Christmas Time for the Jews

Here are some great holiday treats for everyone looking to celebrate the Festival of Lights. Hanukkah is a great time to share food with friends and family, and I have received dozens of e-mails asking for some great recipes, so here you go. I should tell you, the potato pancakes are so good that posting this recipe alone is a mitzvah of the highest order. Bubbelah, you should always trust me with this stuff. The chopped liver is the version I have been making for years and have named it after my grandmother who always made me a to-die-for chopped-liver dish every holiday.

Sephardic Eggplant Salad

3 large eggplants at 2–1/2 lbs.
2 T. olive oil
1/3 c. extra virgin olive oil
2 c. flat parsley leaves
2 t. dried oregano
4 chopped scallions
2 T. lemon juice
2 large garlic cloves
2 T. salt packed capers, refreshed and drained
2 ripe, diced, skinless, seedless tomatoes
6 pita bread discs cut in 1/8s and toasted

Brush the eggplant with the tablespoons of olive oil, and broil on a baking sheet for 25–30 minutes, turning often until skin blackens and eggplant is cooked.

Let it cool. Peel and chop meats, and reserve to a colander to drip off the excess liquids.

Place the oregano, scallions, garlic, and half the parsley in a food processor, and pulse until well processed. Fold into the drained eggplant, season with the oil, lemon, and vinegar.

Add the tomatoes.

Chop the remaining parsley and capers, and fold into the salad.

Season with salt and pepper, and serve with toasted or grilled pita.

Henriette’s Chopped Chicken Liver

2 lbs. fresh chicken livers
1/4 c. rendered chicken fat (schmaltz)
1 t. minced parsley
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 large yellow onion, minced
1 box matzo

Drain, and pat dry the livers.

Sauté onions in 1 T. schmaltz over medium heat until lightly caramelized (just past beige). Reserve.

Fry livers to medium (pink) in 1 T. schmaltz in the same pan over medium high heat.
Reserve livers.

Grind the liver and onions through a food mill by hand, or pulse in a food processor.
Add the parsley, grate the eggs, and fold in those as well. Add remaining schmaltz, or more, to taste. Season with salt and pepper.

Chill the chopped livers.

Serve with the matzo.

Potato Pancakes

3 large russet (Idaho-style, baking) potatoes
3 medium Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled, cooked, and diced
2 eggs, beaten
2 t. sea salt
1/2 t. ground white pepper
1/2 c. matzo meal
1 large yellow onion, grated
2 c. applesauce
1 c. sour cream
1/2 c. crème fraiche
1/2 lb. sliced, smoked salmon (I like the Ducktrap line.)
Oil for frying

Peel and grate the Russet potatoes. Rinse with cold water, and drain, gently pressing to relieve excess moisture. Mix half the potatoes with the mashed potatoes. Pulse the other half of the grated potatoes with the onions in the work bowl or food processor to form a paste. Do not over work.

Combine the two mixtures; season with the salt, pepper, eggs, and matzo meal.
Heat enough vegetable oil, in a large skillet over medium heat, to come up the sides of the pan 1/4 an inch.

When oil is 350 degrees, or a small pinch of batter instantly sizzles when dropped in, fry small 2- to 3-inch sized patties in batches until golden brown on both sides. Drain on paper towel.

Serve as a side dish or as a snack or appetizer. I think it is great to serve them with applesauce, sour cream, smoked salmon, and other treats on the side.

Noodle Kugel

1 lb. extra-wide egg noodles
4 c. cottage cheese
3 c. milk
2/3 c. melted butter
1 T. cinnamon
1 c. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
6 eggs
2 t. salt
1–1/2 c. sour cream
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. minced, dried apricots
1/2 c. sliced almonds

Cook, drain, and cool noodles.

Combine all the ingredients, reserving the almonds, brown sugar, and 1 t. of the cinnamon for sprinkling on the top of the casserole.
Butter a large pan or 2 small brownie pans.

Sprinkle kugel with the reserved ingredients, and bake at 350 degrees for 50–60 minutes until set and golden brown. Serves10–12

Stuffed Cabbage with Veal, Currants, and Pistachios

The Filling
3 lbs. ground veal
2 eggs
1–1/2 c. matzo meal or bread crumbs
1/2 c. currants
1/2 c. plain yogurt
1/2 c. minced parsley
2 T. ground cumin
2 cloves of minced garlic
1/3 c. toasted pine nuts
1 minced onion
1 lb. cooked, chopped spinach, drained very, very well
3 large heads Savoy cabbage, cleaned, leaves blanched and cooled

Combine all the ingredients except the cabbage. Roll 3 oz. of this stuffing mixture into the cabbage leaves, burrito style. Place all of the rolls 1/2 inch apart into 2 ovenproof dishes. Reserve.

The Sauce
24 oz. diced tomatoes in juice
4 T. minced, preserved lemons
2 minced cloves of garlic
1 t. saffron
1 c. white wine
2 minced shallots
6 leaves basil
2 diced carrots
2 pinches of chili flakes
1/2 c. orange juice
1 T. ground celery seed
1/2 c. toasted pistachios
2 T. butter

Place the butter in a large sauté pan over high heat. Add the shallots, lemon, garlic, carrots, and saffron, and sauté until glassy. Add the wine, and simmer to reduce by half. Add the herbs, spices, and tomato with the juices. Simmer for 15–20 minutes until almost dry.

Divide over the cabbage rolls, and cover with aluminum foil. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees. Uncover, and bake for 10 more minutes.

Lost Desserts

How was everyone’s Thanksgiving? My bird was outstanding, thank you for asking, and the stock is made and in the freezer. Huge props to my wife, who has mastered a citrus cranberry sauce that we all are happily addicted to. We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled blogging on Thursday; there is a lot to talk about as we move into December, but here is a great book idea for you to think about either for yourself or as a gift.

It is that time of year—no, I’m not thinking shopping, in-laws, or little twinkling lights. I’m thinking of recipes with histories. Holidays are thick with recipes we dig out from the back of our collections, especially sweet ones that the whole family adores. Grandma’s lime Jell-O? Fruitcakes? No one really likes these, do they? And yet, they endure, feeding our hearts with warm memories. It isn’t often we stray from the particulars of our personal holiday repertoire, but this year you should start some new traditions, and you can find them in an amazing new book, Gail Monaghan’s Lost Desserts, which provides a feast of desserts.

The first thing you’ll notice is the stunning photography by Eric Boman, and if that wasn’t enough to get your sweet side cooking, Monaghan provides a story for each dessert that will easily become yet another tale in your own family history. Monaghan pulls these stories from a collective gastronomic consciousness—from the history of bananas Foster to the 1940s tale of La Pyramide’s pruneaux au pichet (prunes in a pitcher), which is a wonderful story of chef Fernand Point’s regular customer, the Aga Khan III. This book reads as well as it cooks. You can even reconstruct Ultra Violet’s chocolate and chestnut torte that had Andy Warhol addicted. Each bite you take of a dessert made from Monaghan’s book is rich with history; it will delight the taste buds of your family, and have a good story, too.

Let’s not forget the recipes. Each dessert varies in difficulty but is accessible to the home cook. True, Escoffier’s recipe for peach Melba might look a little daunting— precise plating directions of embedding a silver timbale filled with the dessert into an ice sculpture and then adding spun sugar to the top—but Monaghan provides modern suggestions that wouldn’t diminish this recipe in the eyes of the father of modern cuisine.

There are many cookbooks out there to tantalize and teach, but with the gastronomic knowledge that Monaghan imparts in this book, merely reading it will catapult any weekend cook into a food historian of the highest order.

Something Stinks, and It’s Not Your Do-ahead Gravy

In last Wednesday’s Star Tribune, Kevin Diaz reported on Hormel and Cargill CEOs testifying about the modified atmosphere packaging that allows for storing meat and other foods in an oxygen-depleted environment, then pumping the meat with carbon monoxide, making it shelf stable for up to twenty days, and it retains all it’s original bright red color. I have all the respect in the world for many of the local politicians on all sides of this issue, but if you take the position that the process preserves freshness and minimizes contamination as Cargill and Hormel do, and if you really believe this is a positive step for food safety as they do, then the least you could do is stick a BIG FAT LABEL on the meat that tells everyone how old the stuff is. I happen to think the practice is deceptive and is a scarily, but weakly, disguised attempt to get us to relieve the giant food companies of old meat that otherwise ends up in the garbage. You can say as many times as you like that it’s about preserving freshness, but it is simply a matter of baiting consumers into buying old meat that looks fresh and keeping meat shelf stable without freezing it. Why not simply sell fresh meat as fresh meat; then freeze the stuff before throwing it away in the supermarkets and sell that at a discount? And if you believe in the product and the new science so much, why not simply label it as “CO gassed” with large “made-on” dates? Hormel and Cargill have offered to label the product with a “color is not an accurate indicator of freshness” warning. Why create a process like this and then label it as such? Isn’t this an obvious mea culpa? Thoughts?

Speaking of freshness . . . for those looking to make do-ahead gravy for the holidays:

Do-Ahead Gravy
3 lb. poultry wings and backs
2 c. chopped onion and celery
4 c. chicken or turkey stock
3 T. flour
3 T. butter
1/2 c. cream (if you like)
salt and pepper to taste
herb sprig as needed

Chop the onion and celery, and place in a large brownie pan. Roast the poultry wings and backs on top of the chopped onion and celery. Season and cook at 350 degrees for 75 minutes. Remove from stove, pour off any accumulated liquid/fat, and return to oven for 10 minutes. Onions under the bird bits should be golden brown around edges, and poultry should be crisp-gold. Skim fat from liquid and discard, returning the liquid to pan along with the chicken or turkey stock. Simmer on a stove top for 10 minutes to loosen the sticky bits, pour contents of the pan into a small pot, and simmer covered for 50 minutes. You can add an herb sprig here if you like. Uncover, strain well, discard solids, and reduce liquid to 2-1/2 cups.

Set aside, and place the flour and butter in a saucepan, and cook for a few minutes over medium heat. Add the hot gravy liquid in thirds, whisking, and bring to a slow boil. Cook for 3–5 minutes, add cream, if you like, or season with salt and pepper, and serve as is. I do mine ahead to make life easy on Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving.

Shirred Eggs with Spinach and Croutons

My pal Lucia Watson made this recipe for me the other day—a breakfast treat that she has been serving in the restaurant for years. It is awesome, and the perfect easy-bake X-mas–morning treat that allows for plenty of time to open gifts. I have made this recipe of Lucia's several times now, subbing leftover roasted vegetables for the spinach, crumbling bacon in it, adding strips of ham or prosciutto to the ramekin, or some grated cheese. No matter what you do to this dish, it still works. and earns rave reviews every time.

Shirred Eggs with Spinach and Croutons
About 1 T. butter for the ramekins
1 c. cream
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 t. fresh thyme, chopped
1 t. chopped rosemary
Salt and pepper

1 c. cubed (crouton-size) bread
2 T. olive oil

1 c. raw washed spinach
4 eggs

Generously butter 2 12-oz. ramekins and preheat oven to 400 degrees. Put cream on the stove with half the garlic, half the herbs, and some salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to a simmer. Let cook for about 4-5 minutes or until reduced by almost half. Taste the cream, it should be well seasoned. Set aside.

Make the croutons: Toss cubed bread in olive oil, the rest of the garlic, and salt and pepper. Toss thoroughly together. In a hot skillet, fry bread until crispy and browned, about 5 minutes. Taste for seasoning and set aside.

Put about a fistful of the spinach into each buttered ramekin. Break two eggs on top of the spinach. Place half the croutons on top, then ladle cream over to just cover everything. Bake eggs for about 12-15 minutes (depending on how soft you like your eggs) and serve at once. Serves 2.

Hanukkah Recipes

It's Hanukkah time, everyone!!! Here are two of my favorite recipes for this time of year. I kid you not, the pancakes is the best recipe of its kind I have ever tried. For years I used my grandmother’s recipe, until someone else’s bubbe told me to use some mashed potatoes in my recipe . . . Kenahora! What a mitzvah that was! Enjoy.

Potato Pancakes
3 large Russet baking (Idaho) potatoes
3 medium-sized Yukon Gold potatoes . . . peeled, cooked, and riced
1 large yellow onion, grated
2 t. sea salt
1/2 t. ground white pepper
2 eggs, beaten
2/3 c. matzoh meal
2 qts. vegetable oil for frying . . . I like to add a cup of rendered chicken fat for flavor

Peel and grate Russet potatoes. Rinse with cold water and drain, gently pressing to relieve excess moisture. Mix half the potatoes with the mashed potatoes. Pulse the other half of the grated potatoes with the onion in work bowl of food processor to form a coarse paste. Do not over work. Combine the two mixtures, season with salt, pepper, eggs, and matzoh meal. If your mixture is too wet, add another tablespoon or so of matzoh meal—remember, you can always run a test batch. In a large skillet over medium heat,  heat enough vegetable oil to come up the sides of the pan 1/3 of an inch. When oil is 350 degrees, or a small pinch of batter instantly sizzles when dropped in, fry small 2- to 3-inch-sized patties in batches until golden brown on both sides. Drain on paper towel. Sprinkle with sea salt and try serving with apple sauce and sour cream on half the cakes and smoked salmon and crème fraiche on the others.

Almond and Orange Cake with Poached Plum Compote
Serves 6-8.

The Cake
2 c. sliced almonds
12 T. flour
1-1/2  c. sugar
2 T. orange zest
4 eggs

In a food processor, combine 1/3 of the almonds with the flour. Reserve. Combine the remaining almonds and 1/3 of the sugar and pulse well. Reserve. Beat eggs until foamy with an electric beater and add remaining sugar and zest. Beat until light and thick. Beat in the other two mixtures. Pour into a greased and floured 10-inch spring-form pan and bake at 350 for about 50 minutes until cake is done (inserted toothpick withdraws cleanly, etc.). Cool, unmold, and dust with confectioner's sugar and serve with the compote.

Poached Plums with Red Wine and Rum
12 plums, firm and ripe but not mushy, halved
2 cinnamon sticks
3 T. brown sugar
1 T. lemon zest
1 T. orange zest
1 bud star anise
1/4 vanilla bean, split
1/4 c. dark rum
2 c. red wine
6 cloves
1 T. lemon juice
2 c. blueberries and strawberries

Place all ingredients except berries into a 14-inch sauté pan. Add warm water to come up halfway on the plums. Bring to a simmer and continue gently simmering for 10 minutes, turning plums every 5 minutes. Move plums to a serving platter. Reduce sauce until almost glazey. Stir in berries and toss. Pour over plums and chill.

Modern Thanksgiving Recipes

All the recipes you need for Thanksgiving are just a click away, on mspmag.com's recipe database.

Oyster Stew
Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey, Stuffing, and Gravy
Puree of Peas and Watercress
Root Vegetable Pan Roast with Brown Butter Sauce
Sweet and Sour Beets with Pearl Onions
Steamed Green Beans with Toasted Almond-Mushroom Pesto
Pumpkin Pie
Pecan Tart

Break the Fast

Anyone planning on cooking for Monday night’s ‘break the fast’ meal to mark the conclusion to Yom Kippur will love these easy, do-ahead recipes. Anyone who is not observing will also love them—you don’t have to be Jewish to love great food, but it helps. Order a side of salmon and some bialys from Barney Greengrass and you will be set for the night.

Eggplant Salad
3 large eggplants, 2-1/2 lbs. each
2 T. olive oil
1/3 c. extra virgin olive oil
2 t. dried oregano
4 chopped scallions
2 c. flat parsley leaves
1 T. lemon juice
2 T. red wine vinegar, or more to taste
2 ripe, diced, skinless seedless tomatoes
2 large garlic cloves
2 T. salt-packed capers, refreshed and drained
6 pita bread discs, cut in eighths and toasted

Brush eggplant with the tablespoons of olive oil and broil on a baking sheet for 25-30 minutes, turning often until skin blackens and eggplant is cooked. Let cool, then peel and chop meats and reserve to a colander to drip off excess liquids. Place oregano, scallions, garlic, and half the parsley in a food processor and pulse until well processed. Fold into drained eggplant, then season with oil, lemon juice, and vinegar. Add tomatoes. Chop remaining parsley and capers and fold into the salad. Season with salt and pepper and serve with toasted or grilled pita.

Henriette’s Chopped Chicken Liver
2 lbs. fresh chicken livers
1 large yellow onion, minced
1/4 c. rendered chicken fat (schmaltz)
1 t. minced parsley
2 hardboiled eggs
1 box matzoh

Drain and pat dry the livers. Sauté onion in 1 T. schmaltz over medium heat until lightly caramelized (just past beige). Reserve. Fry livers to medium (pink) in 1T schmaltz in the same pan over medium high heat. Reserve livers. Grind liver and onions through a food mill by hand or pulse in a food processor. Add parsley, grate eggs, and fold into mixture. Add remaining schmaltz (or more to taste). Season with salt and pepper. Chill chopped livers. Serve with the matzoh.

Noodle Kugel
1 lb. extra wide egg noodles
4 c. cottage cheese
3 c. milk
2/3 c. melted butter
1 c. sugar
6 eggs
2 t. salt
1-1/2 c. sour cream
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. minced dried apricots
1/2 c. sliced almonds
1/4 c. brown sugar
1 T. cinnamon

Cook, drain, and cool noodles. Combine all ingredients, reserving almonds, brown sugar, and 1 t. of the cinnamon for sprinkling on top of the casserole. Butter a large pan or two small ‘brownie pans.’ Sprinkle kugel with reserved ingredients and bake at 350 degrees for 50-60 minutes until set and golden brown. Serves 10-12.

Zakuska

Zakuska are Russian tapas—oh, I hate that word but it works so well here—and in celebration of May Day, everyone should exercise their Constitutionally guaranteed right to make their opinion heard by making a call to their congressman and weighing in on the impeach/don’t impeach the president issue. Next step, go buy a bottle of Stoli, ice it down, and eat plenty of these classic Zakuska.

Marinovannye Griby (Pickled Mushrooms)

20 oz. cider vinegar
1 c. water
1/4 c. brown sugar
1 T. black peppercorns
6 cloves
2 bay leaves
4 garlic cloves, bruised
4 dill sprigs
4 thyme sprigs
1 T. salt
Red chili flakes to taste
2 lbs. whole cremini mushrooms, trimmed and wiped clean with a damp cloth

Combine all ingredients except mushrooms in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Add mushrooms. When liquid returns to a simmer, cook for ninety seconds, stirring once or twice. Cool mushrooms in the liquid. Discard cloves and bay leaf. Mushrooms can be eaten right away, but I like to place them in a tight-fitting container for a few days in the refrigerator before serving. Serves 8-10 as an hors d’oeuvre.

Rassolye (Herring and Potato Salad)

Salad
2 lbs. pickled herring, rinsed and patted dry
6 beets, roasted, cleaned, and diced
2 lbs. “red b” new potatoes, boiled until just cooked through, and diced
1/2 c. sliced cornichons
1 large onion, minced very fine
2 T. minced parsley

Dressing
3 T. brown mustard
1 T. hot English mustard
3 T. white vinegar
1-1/2 c. sour cream
6 oz. grated, prepared red horseradish

Combine salad ingredients in a large bowl, sprinkling with the parsley at the end. In a separate bowl, combine mustards, vinegar, and sour cream. Season dressing with horseradish to taste, and set aside. Serve salad, passing the dressing at the table.

Pot Pourri

Last night was Passover—seven people at our house for some serious fressing. Oy vey, I am still stuffed. We went unconventional this year, both with the short Seder and the leavened products (bagels for the salmon and noodles for the brisket) but the meal and the short-format prayers were a big hit, especially with the kids. Let me state here. for the record. that Carol Mack makes a mean matzo ball !!

A few weeks ago I wrote about some crazy press releases I receive on a regular basis. Here’s another juicy one . . .and it’s real! The typos are all theirs.

Opening of an agency specialized in original declarations of love.

ApoteoSurprise, an agency that produces themed experiences for couples who plan to travel to Paris and who wish to declare their burning love in a magically original way, has just recently opened its doors. Its out of the ordinary romantic experiences offer couples the chance to visit a dreamlike paradise via orchestrated scenarios set in the charming City of Light :
- projection of the declaration of love on the walls of Notre-Dame de Paris at the time of a dinner-cruising,
- apparition of the declaration of love on the wings of an airplane or on the big screens of the "Stade de France",
- ninety foot message written at the foot of a castle and visible from a helicopter,
- wax statue of St Valentine coming to life at the Musée Grévin,
- parchment delivered by a prince in the meanders of an enchanted forest,
- etc.
Each of ApoteoSurprise’s experiences involves the appearance of an exceptional vehicle at the foot of the loving couple’s hotel. Direction : a mystery destination. One of the two will be completely unaware of the surprise that’s being set up and the delightfully subtle scenario will slowly progress towards the apotheosis : his/her sweetheart’s amazing and totally unexpected declaration of love.

The forty turnkey experiences are aimed at couples in love who are in search of an unusual and total escape, and who want to ask for their partner’s hand in marriage, commemorate a wedding anniversary, celebrate a honeymoon, or "simply" offer their sweetheart the surprise of his/her life.

Anyway, speaking of magic and burning love, has anyone eaten at Ikea recently? Oh my lord, what a bargain, especially at the snack stand located directly across from the check-out aisles. Fifty-nine-cent dogs, and two-dog combo meals with soda and a big bag of handmade Scando-chips for under three bucks . . .even mammoth ice cream cones that are only a dollar. Wash it all down with lingonberry soda—my new favorite beverage. Once you stuff your face on dogs and ice cream, you have enough energy to browse the store again . . .or do what I do and drift into the prepared foods kiosk, take two tubes (yes, I said tubes) of squeezable creamed herring roe and a box of rye crisps and head on home for some serious snacking. Creamed herring roe is a Swedish caviar spread that tastes like anchovies, salted fish eggs, sugar, and copper, all mixed together. I schmeer it on everything, and even whisk it into vinaigrettes for salads. If you like salty, fishy things, you need to trust me on this one.

Easy Spinach Soufflés: A Great Side Dish for Easter

With the holidays upon us, what better time to consider an easy-to-make show-stopper of a side dish? These rustic spinach soufflés are the perfect complement to the Easter ham or the Passover brisket, and the no-worries 'fallen' souffle option that is twice-baked is the way I do these at home—it makes for a crustier, textural final product and gives me the do-ahead capability that I look for when guests come over to the house.

Easy Spinach Soufflés

6 T. butter
Fine dry bread crumbs for lining the molds
20 oz. frozen cooked spinach, defrosted and squeezed dry (2 cups' worth)
6 T. flour
4 T. minced shallots
1 T. dry oregano
3 T. minced dill
2-1/2 c. milk
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Nutmeg to taste
6 egg yolks
1/2 c. parmesan-Reggiano
1/2 c. grated Gruyere
8 egg whites
1/ 2 t. cream of tartar

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Butter and crumb 12 4-oz. china soufflé ramekins. Mince spinach. Melt together flour and butter for several minutes in a saucepan. Add shallots, oregano, and dill. Cook briefly. Add milk, in thirds, and simmer until thick. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg. In a large bowl, whisk egg yolks, adding 1/2 c. of the ‘milk sauce’ to temper, then the rest of it. Season again. Stir in spinach and cheeses and reserve. Beat whites stiff with cream of tartar. Add whites to spinach mixture in thirds, folding to combine. Fill molds with soufflé mixture and bake at 375 for 30-35 minutes. Serve immediately, or . . . .
Remove from oven. Cool on a rack. Unmold, and refrigerate on a no-stick pan liner. Bake again to puff as needed, serving them as ‘fallen’ soufflés.

Blintzes: The Great Equalizers!

Is it just me, or does the fact that the Twins start their schedule a day later than every team in the big leagues seem like a horrible omen for the 2006 season? Essentially, we are in last place before we even see a pitch that matters this year—it’s a puzzler. And it’s not just the MLB schedules that bug me these days—the SATs, the sacrosanct way in which we can all measure ourselves against each other, has been tainted by water-logged test sheets that the score-readers can’t measure accurately. Our president preaches at us about democracy in Iraq and then contests the outcomes of the Iraqi democratic process. Apparently global warming is a myth, and yet I have the unsettling feeling that the earth is hurtling out of orbit and falling into the sun and our government is keeping this a secret. Huey Newton’s widow has trademarked the phrase “burn, baby burn” for use in her barbecue sauce business. The World Wrestling Federation changed its name to World Wrestling Entertainment after the World Wildlife Fund sued it over the moniker WWF. Forty-two percent of all shared files online are pornographic, yet not a single case has been brought to court contesting sex-vid file-swapping. The Village People refused to let its songs be used for a documentary about gay lifestyle, citing in court filings its desire to be thought of as mainstream. We used to be able to trust anyone under the age of thirty, now I’m forty-four and I don’t trust anyone.

Regardless of my mood, which is cynically turning blacker with each moment today, I am buoyantly jubilant about Seder next week. I feel better already just thinking about food. I have just ordered my goodies from back home because there are no good Jewish delis here in town. I take Passover very seriously from a food standpoint, and while I am making everything from scratch except the gefilte fish, which we order from Citarella on Broadway, I take the opportunity to get my favorite goodies flown in to snack on all week: bialys and blintzes, smoked fish and whitefish salad from Barney Greengrass, pickled lox in cream sauce, and fresh salmon roe from Russ & Daughters, and anything I can get my mitts on from Zabar’s.

Am I eating my feelings? Does it matter? I feel better already.

Yo, Peeps! What Up?

I am sure everyone is aware of the Easter Bunny debacle. If you’re not, let me boil down the AP wire story for you—Apparently, marshmallow Peeps have been stacking up outside St. Paul City Hall in protest over the Easter display that was removed from the lobby out of concern that the items would offend non-Christians. The cloth bunny, some pastel-colored eggs, and a sign with the words "Happy Easter" were put up by a city council secretary, who did not purchase the décor items with city money. According to the wire story, the city's human rights director, Tyrone Terrill, asked that the decorations be removed. He said his problem with the display involved the "Happy Easter" sign. As a somewhat observant Jew (The New York Times and bagels are good every day, temple once a month), I don’t get it. Who does this offend?

So some fun-loving Peeps peeps who work in city hall have placed the chick- and rabbit-shaped candies around those giant statues of American Indians, along with two signs that temporarily rename the Vision of Peace statue as the Vision of Peeps. Jolly Mangine, Ramsey County's director of property management, said, "We're just going to let it ride." A brilliant display of common sense, if you ask me, and something we need more of in these heady days of misplaced political correctness. How refreshing—a sense of humor! Just Born, the company that manufactures Peeps, issued a statement after being informed of the display. "It is a shame that the Easter Bunny hopping through city hall has caused such a disturbance. We are sure that the regal Vision of Peace statue does not mind sharing a little glory and spring fever with us—the Peeps."

Hopefully, this will all be resolved amicably, with no harm coming to the Peeps themselves. For all of us, the harm is already irreparable, in my opinion. In an effort to give everyone an offense-free experience in life we no longer let our third-graders keep score or choose sides in gym class, we can’t say Merry Christmas to our colleagues, our kids can’t bring cookies to class, celebrate Valentine’s Day or Halloween, and we take down cloth bunny and egg displays in the workplace. In a world that grows tougher with every passing day, we are trying to protect people from something that is already lost. The horse has left the barn, the fox is in the hen house. In an effort to encourage and teach diversity and acceptance, love, and tolerance, we are creating an atmosphere of belligerent denial that promotes a lack of understanding about other cultures. Everything I learned about Christian holidays, for example, I learned in kindergarten, and lo and behold forty years later I married a woman who was not Jewish! Ken-an-hora, what a miracle!

Now in our house, we are freaking out about our own Peeps controversy: the apparent increase over the years that it takes a Peep to go stale, our preferred way to eat them. Rishia and I bought four packages of Peeps (chicks, of course), opened them, and placed them away on a shelf for four or five days so that they could get stale, crispy, crunchy, and crackly. Any true Peep connoisseur knows what I am talking about. We took them out last night for a snack and they are still soft! Holy crap, did they change the recipe???? Five days used to be plenty of time to stale-out a Peep! Maybe Just Born would like to address that issue when they get done with their busy season.